Jesus, Moses and an old man were playing golf and it was Jesus turn. He hit the ball
and it landed in the water and floated. So Jesus walked out, hit it and it landed in the cup. Next, it was Moses turn. He hit the
ball and it landed in the water and sank to the bottom. So he parted the water and hit it in the cup. Last it was the old man's turn.
He hit the ball, it bounced off a turtle in the water, a bird caught the ball and dropped it by the cup and a rabbit knocked it in.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I hate it when Your Father plays!"
I'm not going to church!
A mother called her son one
Sunday morning, to get out of bed and get ready for church.
He replied "I'm not going."
His mother said "Yes you are going, so get out
of that bed."
He replied "give me ONE good reason why I should go."
She replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons...
1. I'm your mother,
and I say you're going.
2. You're 40 years old, so you are old enough to know better.
3. You're the Pastor, so you need to be there!
There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out
of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full that
a couple of the nuts rolled out and rested by the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed by, he
thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough he heard, "One for you, one for me. One
for you," and so on. He knew what that meant. "Oh my gosh!" he shuddered, "It's satan and St. Peter dividing up the souls at the cemetery!"
He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come quick!" he yelled, "You won't believe what I just
heard, satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing up souls." The old man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding
it hard to walk as it is?" But after several pleas, the man finally hobbled over to the cemetery where he heard a voice saying, "One
for you, one for me. One for you," and so on. The old man whispered to the boy, "Boy, you've been telling the truth! Let's see if
we can see the devil himself." Shivering with fear they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything, but they heard, "One
for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. And the last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those two nuts by the fence,
and we'll be done!" They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy did!